Monthly Archives: January 2012

Hangover

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So… I got drunk last night.

What’s weird (or not) is that I can’t remember half the things I did. I only remember the last bit during the party. Everything after that, nill. My friends have been telling me all the crazy stuff I did during that “blank” period and I can’t believe I just did all those. I’m so embarrassed. I was stupid, I know.

At least now, I have something to tell my kids in the future. And something “exciting” happened in my semi-monotonous life. GAAH. I sound like I’m “justifying” what happened to me, don’t I? Crazy time.

Hide me.

We had it over maki

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Thank you for trusting me, for making me the fourth person to know your secret. I know it was hard on you, if you should tell me or not, but you eventually did (and after my incessant coaxing). Even if it’s been only weeks since we got to know each other, I think I already know more about you than your other friends. Thank you.

I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you everything. Maybe next time. I’m still trying to find a way to admit them to myself and not run away or deny it anymore.

I don’t know where this will lead, if it’s towards a great friendship or something more. I know you like someone. That’s cool. But I hope you know that I’m always here for you. I wanted to give you a hug but it would’ve been too awkward, so, nah.

Compilation Error

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Compilation Error occurs when the machine sees an error–typographical, logical, etc.–in the block of code created. This prevents the program from compiling, thus, the programmer is prompted to correct it.

I should have read the signs, really. But that happens when you think things are going fine.

On the other hand, Runtime Error happens when the machine finds out that there is something wrong with the program only after compiling it, when it is being run. This is caused when objects point to a non-existing class or object (null), or when the program produces a different result from what is expected.

This is how we learn. We break. We hurt. It is just a matter of time that I asked myself if I wanted to pursue that or not. I never passed a single long test.

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A sorta-imitation piece I tried to do after what I think was a really cool CNF piece by a workshop mate (oh no, it’d be really embarrassing if she saw this). Not sure how to continue but I hope that was okay.

Where are your skids?

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I admit having grown skeptical of you, Love, but whatever this is, please show yourself clearly to me (however soon that may be).

Right now, I admit being confused. One voice is telling me to just let things be, stop controlling the feelings I might have for him (I now find myself waiting for his text). I am young after all; I’m allowed to have some mistakes, as long as I (hopefully) learn from them in the end. And besides, at least that way, I’ll have stories to tell my grandchildren when I grow old. On the other hand, another voice is telling me that this is serious business. Therefore, I shouldn’t just mess around. I gotta make sure that this is the right one and what I’m feeling is love.

We’ve only started hanging out for a few weeks but I feel comfortable around you.

Now, which is the good conscience and which is the bad conscience?

If ever you get to read this

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I don’t know if you already know this but I DID LOVE YOU. There I just said it. I admit, I did like/love you since we were in 6th grade. And maybe even until now. I still liked you whenever I was in high school that I wish you never transferred schools. I liked you enough that when I heard you were visiting the campus, I ran to the hallway, excited to tell my friend about you, that I ran into someone. That was the first time that my nose bled.

Still debating whether I'd like this to reach you or not.

I’ve been planning and rehearsing different scenarios in my mind, on how I can tell you how I really feel about you. But whenever I get the chance, I back out (as usual).

I don’t know if it’s really love. After all, I was just 12 when we first met. But what do you call that feeling I had for you which lasted for about 5 years even when we didn’t contact each other at all? Even when I knew you had a girlfriend, I still kept that feeling inside. I hate how you have that effect on me. It overrules my sane self.

We’re starting to talk again now (although they’re just really short chat sessions on Facebook or Twitter). i wonder if I’ll ever get the guts to tell you. When I do, I don’t really expect you to say that you feel or felt the same way I do (although there is that little voice in my head hoping otherwise). I just want you to know. Maybe that’s how I will be able to get over you.

Black AND white

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Just to make it clear, I’m not as pure, as innocent, as good as you think I am.

Yes, maybe I am nice most of the time but I have my other side, too.

I’ve wanted to try smoking and slitting my wrist before.  I swear more than I should (man, I like swearing). I get green jokes (and sometimes be the first to laugh at them). I don’t really mind sex scenes and nudity in movies. I’m open to having sex before marriage (given that both parties are committed and love each other, and that it’s safe).

I don’t know why I’m posting this, really. Maybe because I sometimes feel that people have this image that they expect me to be–that I’m this pure, innocent, cute girl. But I’m not. Yeah, I do want people to not think badly of me but I don’t want them to restrict me either.

Basically, I’m just tired of living up to expectations.