Immature and Premature

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I think I’m finally jumping off the ship.

It’s funny how this blog has been witness to the sort-of “love story” that we almost-had-but-never-really-happened. I wrote a blog on when we first had our serious conversation, when I got to learn about you and when I told you the most that I could about myself, the parts I thought I was ready to reveal to you.

And now, we’re here.

I understand that you were stressed when you told me that we shouldn’t talk that much anymore. Also, I had sensed that the tons of people teasing and joking about us would, somehow, take its toll on you. I was right. It did. And this is the aftermath.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, I did get hurt. Maybe because it would cause a ripple in our relationship–whatever that is–and I was afraid that that would happen. I was liking the good times that we had and I wanted it to continue until, eventually, maybe, you’ll come around, come to your senses.

Maybe it’s my fault, too. You did call me that same night and tell me that it’s supposed to be a show–us not talking to each other–so people would eventually stop doing what they’re doing and maybe leave us in peace. I agreed to that, yes. We would still text each other in secret. That was the plan. But you know how plans don’t really work out the way we want them to.

Here’s where I come in. I didn’t follow our plan. I eventually distanced myself from you and stopped our contact with each other. But I thought I was doing the right thing. I was getting too attached. I began to wonder if you’d still text me if you didn’t really need to ask me on what to do with that website you’re making or to help you with your application. I was wondering if you’d miss me, if you’d notice when I’m gone. It’s cliche and corny. It’s selfish, I know. But I think I just needed to know that this thing that we have, friendship or whatever it is, is not just about us needing each other for something.

So now, I think I’m maybe jumping the ship. We’re not doing anything. You’re not doing anything. Things aren’t the same anymore. Maybe I’m assuming or expecting too much but I can’t feel that you want that thing back, that you want us to be close again.

I know you’re going through a lot right now so I hope you’ll eventually find the strength I know you have within you to survive all of those. You know I’m always here. I will always be. Maybe, not as someone you might be together with, but as your friend. I have accepted that fate already.

If you read this, I’m thankful that I’m the first one you tell your problems to. It’s a privilege and a great feeling that you trust me a lot. I’m sorry if I find it difficult to open up and do the same to you. I guess I’m not that kind of person. I’m still working on it, though. Whether it’s really true that you like her or not, I hope that you do get over her. You deserve someone great.

They say time heals everything. I hope it does. I hope this time that we’ll have will do us good, help us understand the things we didn’t understand before. Until then, let’s just enjoy being friends. You know I’ll always love hanging out with you. It’s weird how comfortable I am whenever I’m with you. Also, I hope we find luck in love. That’s the common thing we wished for, right?

The best of luck to both of us. Cheer up.

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