Hey, you sound familiar.
It’s funny that you’re in this situation.
Is it really hard to show affection or emotion? For you, maybe. You’re not used to be at the receiving end and now, you don’t know how to give it. You can always learn. Yes, you can. But you always hesitate. Why? If only there was a guide to make things much easier. That’s why you have to figure it out on your own.
And another thing, be more kind to yourself. Not everything’s your fault. You don’t always have to over think things. Maybe, it will happen. Maybe it won’t. You might get hurt at the start but time, as uncertain and as promising as it may sound, time heals everything. Plus, you’ve been here before. You’ll know what to do. You’ve gotten used to it. Too used to it.
Nothing’s entirely too sure. How much do you want this? You should probably learn how to take your own advice. Don’t give up too easily.
Just know that whatever will be, will be. Que sera sera.
Let the tide, the waves get the best of you. Allow yourself to drown, for it is in drowning that we learn to swim our way back up.
Do you still feel the hurt?
Are you still broken?
Whenever you’re ready, don’t forget to come back. I will be waiting for you. I’ll build a fire for you. I’ll dry you up. Come. Let us go back home.
My head is in a jumble, what with the things I have to do but am not doing (my fault, I know) but I really miss writing (it’s one of those moments when I have these ideas but I don’t know how to begin telling them, when I don’t know how to proceed) so here are some of the things that I’m thinking:
- Things take time. I know it’s kind of a lame idea/concept to some but I do believe that things do take time–getting better at what you do, liking/loving someone, getting over someone, learning how to wake up early. Sometimes, there’s really no need to rush. It will eventually be, in time. I hope.
- Repetition works both ways: it can either intensify a feeling or dull it. Phil Kaye’s Repetition should explain this way better than I can. But yeah. Mostly, I like to repeat things, say them or tell a story over and over again, because I want some sort of affirmation that it happened. Or that I want to lose the effect that experience has on me. I’m weird like that.
- Music is always a security blanket and a wonderful world to be in. Because of that, I shall try and do my best to write a piece, a mixtape, for my thesis. Hopefully, I do it in time (and think of more songs to add).
- This year is YOLO Year. Well, I ran for SPEED Offficership, danced in RiB (so not me haha), and sang in front of a crowd (I finally did it! Carlo and I have been planning to do that since Family Day last S.Y. but didn’t get the chance to since I wasn’t there during the AMS thing but now we did haha I hope people liked it). It’s funny because it’s not really my last year but what the heck. haha It’s funny, discovering the things you can (or, maybe, can’t) do when you actually start doing it. (this reminds me of my Philo reading)
So there. I have things to do. Gotta run. I should stop getting sidetracked and making side comments. Oh well. BTW, my brother’s about to enter college next year. I miss him but, at the same time, I’m happy that he’s doing good on his own, filling out the college app forms. Can’t wait to see him (and my mom, of course) during break! 🙂
P.S. I’m too awkward and weird. Maybe I should get an award for it.