True story: After reading Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman last January (it was around New Year when I read it), I kind of began this paranoia that I would die soon (read: that night). I wasn’t able to sleep, or at least tried to postpone it, because I thought it would stop It from happening. At least, not until much later on in my life.
I just came from Mikko’s wake this afternoon together with the other Speple and I just can’t help but be overwhelmed by everything. I don’t really know her that much, aside from she worked on the Splayday poster which was awesome, but I could totally sense that she was a bright person, radiating her love and warmth to everyone around her. This was all based on the pictures and letters they put up.
Being the sometimes-emotionally attached person that I am, I managed to hold it in then I overheard this man talking to her dad:
Guy: What was her major?
Guy: So she wanted to be like you?
I dunno why, really, but I think that hit me. She could’ve gone on, have a career, and be like her dad. I wonder how he felt after hearing that. We only have 2 weeks until finals week and one more year until we graduate. Yet, she died. 😦 I’d like to believe that everyone gets to Go eventually–death is inevitable–but I guess her time was just too soon.
My overactive mind then tried to work its magic…
What if it happened to us? What if I died? What would my parents feel? What if my brother would die ahead of me? Will I ever be able to handle it and still stay sane?
I know I’m overreacting to this but I can’t help it. We’ve had our fair share of relatives or just people we know die before. We’ve attended their wakes, their funerals, and we think they’re enough to prepare us for Death. Yet, when it happens, we find that we can never be ready. We’re wrong. It’s still the same hurt and grief and sadness and maybe even regret that grips us every time something like this happens.
Then again, I wish I could be prepared.