Monthly Archives: December 2013

This Is How You Almost Date Someone

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I’m sure you felt it, too, but I guess it wasn’t enough.

Thought Catalog

We existed in the strange in-between of the possible and the probable. It was in the unsaid, in the expected, in the logical next steps. Our friends accepted it, anticipated it, shook their heads and said, “It’s only a matter of time.” They’d ask sly questions and accuse us outright, and all we ever managed were shy smiles and hopeful maybes. We were almost dating. We almost dated.

But almost doesn’t count for much. Almost doesn’t bridge the gap from “not quite” to “yes.”

When you almost date someone, it’s not because you’re only doing things by halves. Everything depends on the build and the anticipation in that gray area of maybe. You do not keep your secrets from them, do not laugh at half the volume, do not kiss them with only half the intensity. Maybe you’re shy about how you feel. Maybe you hold back there, but that’s…

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Moon Landing

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I’ve always liked looking at the moon. The way it shines at night, bringing light to the vast, dark night sky aside from the stars of course.

Does the moon ever feel lonely? It’s far out into space. People often look at it since it shines but do they really look? Can they really see? Back then, they thought it was that far, that it was impossible to ever set foot in it. Yet, Neil Armstrong did it. He showed the world that you can.

I dream of going to the moon, exploring its vastness. One day, I’d like to raise a flag with my name on it, just so I could say that I was here. I was there for you. That you let me. It’s not that impossible after all.

I just wanted to write something quick since I’ve been meaning to write something for the past few days but I couldn’t find myself to actually start. This was done in a hurry so it might not be the best one. There’s just many things going on that I don’t know where to start. Anyway, I hope you’re having better days! 🙂

Putting yourself first

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You should start putting yourself first before others.”

My friend just told me that after I told him how my friend also likes the same guy I like (sounds familiar, don’t you think?). I guess it really struck a chord with me.

Maybe you can point it to my “big sister instinct,” one I’ve had since I was a kid, after I got a little brother. I think acquired this thing wherein I let him do the things he wants just so my mom wouldn’t get angry at me. I’m not sure, really. I just have this thing wherein I let people have their way, where I put other people’s needs and wants before mine. I encourage and “support” them to go after the things they want even if that means giving up my desire for that same thing, too.

It has happened before: I happen to like a guy then I find out my close friend likes him, too, after confiding to me her feelings about him, worries and hopes included. Maybe, that’s why nothing “good” has happened to me.

I don’t go after the things I want.

Contrary to what I’d like to believe in, I don’t really pursue things. Sure, I decided to take the leap and shift to another course even if I wasn’t sure how it’d turn out. Yet, it’s in the Big Moments that I don’t know how to do the big jump. I chicken out. It’s like there’s this internal switch that tells me it’s okay to stay in this comfortable circle. This leaves me within my own confines while I go and watch other people progress.

And I guess I’m done with it. It’s my turn to be happy.

I’m sure she would understand if I would still pursue this guy, in my own little way. She called herself a “ballsy girl,” being able to ask a guy out on a date or even maybe tell him how she really feels; this somehow riled me up. Is it called cheating if that motivated me even more to be more direct?

I’m blabbering now, am I?

Point is, I’d still continue liking him. Love is a battlefield; some win, some don’t. I’ll just continue doing my thing, in the hopes that he’ll like me, too. Wouldn’t it be funny if he chooses none of us because he still likes that other girl?